Dear Brian

Today was one of those days.  One of those days when nothing in particular is wrong but nothing is right.  Hope is gone; the world is wrong.  You know... Monday.

I think of you often but I don't feel sad often.  I think maybe something is wrong with me.  Why don't I miss you more?  Why aren't I more sad?  Or at least, sad more often?

I'm trying to pack up the hotel room but I can't.  Someone said something, it bugged me more than it should have so I am laying in bed and watching darkness fall over the parking lot and the canal.  It reminded me of you.  Something has been reminding me of you a lot lately... what?

I remember the time, when our friendship was young, you told me I was too good for any of the punks in this town (thank you for that).  I think about when you and I left that party so we could go skateboarding at the OM park.  That night, you told me one day when you were rich you would pay for all the single mothers in town to go on a spa day (still waiting).  I try to imagine putting together a trivia team without you on it.  What's the point?  I remember when we got drunk and ate Jilberto's and rocked out in your bedroom until dawn.  When your girlfriend broke up with you because you wouldn't tell me I couldn't sleep in your bed... with you in it... with no pants on.  All of the times you visited me in Boulder.  When you came to my mom's funeral.  When you came to Old Chicago after my mom's funeral and told me... shit.  I can't remember what you said after my mom's funeral.  Well isn't that the pits?

Remember when me and you and Derek went to Village Inn and I got a "you park like an asshole" card on my windshield?

How about more recently... like when you came to help LeeAnna and I with our shit hole rental?  And picked up that dresser and carried it out all by yourself?  God I thought you were going to break yourself... but you didn't.  Or when I was having such a crap summer and got drunk by myself and you and Mark came and played Trivial Pursuit with me all night?  And then when I started puking you carried me to bed... at least I think you did.

Why are you gone?

Darkness fell.  Horizon Drive is hideous.